am back..cudnt make any entry in the past two days as i was occupied with my project. and yesterday my batchmates had come in for dinner at my place and they left late. and after that felt lazy to blog. that girl...her memories are fading out. slowly i am getting back normal, gud enuf...should thank god for that. she has started ignoring me, and i have no complaints, maybe she has lost interest in me, cant help it. project officially got over yesterday with the completion of report. had gone into office to submit the report today, by all standards i feel that the report is mediocre stuff from my side. i really have no clue as to why it happens, but the thing is i have been compromising myself to these second-rate submissions. i need to change...soon enuf...i cant go on giving this dull and colourless outputs to people around me. i have identified the culprit. i seem to be thinking less and doing more. there seems to little coordination between what i think and what i do. and i rarely think on my feet, childhood problem i guess, or else i would have attained great success till now. maybe that is why i am what i dont want to be.

college is reopening in 20 days and then back to academics, this times it is going to be finance and finance alone..maybe a little bit of marketing, hope i get a good grasp of it very soon. and my business is refusing to shift from neutral to 1st gear. pata nahi atka hua hain. i need to build this business like anything, but i havent been able to do much, hope i turn things around soon. if this goes on....i will lose all that confidence in my abilities....god, help me out.

life has been on a fast track in chennai..time seems to race past before i cud realise that it is over....so many things have happened in such a short time span....but nothing went on as thought abt by me....my plans went haywire...i dunno this happens everytime with me...maybe my planning skills are poor...maybe i am a bad time manager....doubts remain....to linger...to occupy my rather peaceful mind...to pent up my frustrations....and be reminded of my past memories to haunt me...nevertheless, i am doing great, and i am happy abt it....maybe i am expecting too much from myself...

that is it....wanna keep on writing more...but words arent coming into my mind to pen down my thoughts and reflections...

hehehe...i am back...i dunno what brought me back to this page....second entry in two days....the going is pretty cool...ooff that same person why cant she remain out of my life...her memories are just 3 days old and stilll they are haunting me like anything...these days i have started praying to god again....to remove this confusion...i dont really know why this happened....but the thing is initially it went on as i had visualized then after that...i dunno where i went wrong...she has lost interest in me...but i havent....pata nahi. the day was quite hectic...was sitting with kiran and sivaranjani in the office and preparing the presentation tentatively scheduled for tomm. it hasnt gone that well as i had imagined...some goof ups somewhere at the start of the project is costing us like anything.

else i am feeling great today.....am continuing this after a break of around 2 hours...went to beach with my friend then to the thums up corner....dared to do all these things even with a sore throat that coughs as if i am going to die in a few days. and i am careless as always..oblivious of things that lay in store for me in the future....right now enjoying life...that is it....what else can i ask for???

am repenting that i shud have done that almamater course long back. maybe that would have brought in the desired changes that i have been so desirous of in the recent past. have been receiving amazing feedback from ppl from all walks of life..it kind of stuns me when ppl say that almamater has given them a chance to live a better life. i dunno how a single course or a single man can accomplish this herculean task and that too moulding the emotions of the us human beings is so difficult...pata nahi...but i am impressed.

god....the three letter word that evokes the utmost respect and faith. god...have been talking to him very much in the last few days...he has been taking care of me like his own child right thru the last three years, maybe i havent repaid him in the way i should. maybe i have let him down. that is why i am thinking of going in to sarvodaya ashram to teach the orphans over there, till the time i am in chennai. want to repay this society for giving me so much. i have everything i wanted...everything that i dreamt...almost everything....i cant bargain for more...at times i feel that i been given more than my due...i dont know why...but i get this feeling that i dont deserve this....the reason for this lies in the fact that i am not the same person as i was when i did my cat preparations for the first time...at that time i had lots and lotsa enthu, was very hardworking, persevering but now all this has gone....i have become very very lazy, procrastinating a lot, cribbing time and again and my productivity levels are seeing a new low each day...maybe this is all due to my days in eserve...i now realise what ppl used to say when i was in eserve. night shift and eighteen hour a day data entry job kills your body and mind.. i thought i could recover very fast once i got out of eserve..but that is not happening, it is been one year since i left eserve and i am still fighting it out.

my third attempt at blogging. let's see how far this one goes. it is better than the previous two in the sense that i have added atleast a entry to this blog. coming back to what i shud write....pata nahi...hehehe...my typical refrain. let's see, let it take its own course rather than me dictating the terms.

life has taken a totally different path in the past few days. have no clue as to why r all these things happening to me. maybe it is caused by that new person in my life. and even that is puzzling. i have had experienced these things in the past too but never had i ever felt like this. cant understand these damn emotions of mine. i remain an unsolved mystery to myself. some worries still remain and some apprehensions still at the top of my mind. my 3 month sojourn back here in chennai hasnt helped things a way bit. time has flown like anything and am still clueless if i ever am goin to do somethin meaningful in my life. and doubts...they keep surfacing time and again. nonetheless i am njoing every bit of my time over here at my home. the project at hindu was a damp squib and it didnt go the way i expected it to so one more to my pile of reasons on why i shud be frustrated with myself.

neways my outlook of life has led a great makeover. i am not the same vikram as i was jus 3 months back. i have learnt to take all my worries, depressions and tensions and still live every minute of my life and cherish every moment. i know these days may never come back and my days at iimk surely helped me in realising this.

reiki is one great thing that has ever happened to me. i am jus thankful to god and wud definitely repay this in which ever way possible. that is it for now. wanna write more, but some other day.